59. The Great Gonzales
Posted on 8th Mar 2011, 8:26 PM in 3. At Twisters Borough

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59. The Great Gonzales
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Morgenstern 8th Mar 2011, 8:26 PM edit delete
“History is written by the victors.” - Winston Churchill, probably not expecting the line to be applied to Mario Bros 3

I feel like I've drawn and redrawn this entire sequence like a hundred times in a hundred different ways, not counting how many ways I've visualized it in my head. I am utterly impossible to satisfy.

While I'm a pretty good writer and an alright artist I guess, I think my real talent shines through in this page: that is, my ability to do a sequence like this and probably raise more new questions than I answered old ones. Master of my craft here.

At my current level of sleeplessitude*, I should probably not be writing comments, let alone comics. I imagine I'll come back tomorrow and be like "WTF did I write?" Alternatively, I'll come off as a total jackass and come back to a bunch of hatemail.

Or I'll stay up the rest of the morning so I can watch the hatemail as it comes in. I don't know, man, I got new Pokemon and it makes sleeping seem silly.

Round 2 of ComicFury's popular character thing is happening, if you missed the link on the last page. Feel free to make me feel good.

*Note: Spellcheck is telling me that sleeplessitude is not a real word and I quite frankly don't believe it
Morgenstern 8th Mar 2011, 8:44 PM edit delete

Timothy 8th Mar 2011, 8:57 PM edit delete reply
:o :) :D

fuzzy 8th Mar 2011, 9:00 PM edit delete reply
I did not think anyone would be able to actually raise mario to this level of epicness. And it's not even over the top if you think about it, i mean he really does do all that. Jumping aboard an airship, evading all bullets and taking out everything else... Also, that is quite some hammer bros. if he managed to survive...
Arrakis 8th Mar 2011, 10:23 PM edit delete reply

"Survived" doesn't really sound that cheerful in this situation. I have a few ideas of what a beatdown from this Mario of badassery would look like and it looks a lot like Daisy's Dad from the Mario movie >_>
lemelie 8th Mar 2011, 11:14 PM edit delete reply
I am LOVING your interpretation of the Mario Bros universe.


This is my favourite page so far.
Professional Mole 8th Mar 2011, 11:30 PM edit delete reply
For some reason that last line sounds so incredibly depressing and horrible. :|

Also, didn't think we'd see Mario in this comic. Guess I was wrong. =D
Nolim 9th Mar 2011, 12:11 AM edit delete reply
My personal interpretation of the war between the Mushroom Kingdom and the Koopa Troops is both sides having large stocks of 1-up mushrooms, thus making death almost meaningless for everybody.
Of course, they may not even have 1-up mushrooms in this comic. But I bet they do have Boos and Dry Bones.
kromblite 9th Mar 2011, 12:37 AM edit delete reply
Heh... I wondered when we'd get to mario. I really like how you've portrayed him.
DSW 9th Mar 2011, 1:18 AM edit delete reply
I love how you potray Mario as some dark legend.

Infamous Nefarious 9th Mar 2011, 1:38 AM edit delete reply
Infamous Nefarious
Y'know? I've always considdered Mario to be something of a heartless bastard. A near mindless killing machine. A high-functioning austistic/cavant who's single-minded goal is beating up 'bad guys' in order to get cake from the pretty lady. Most rarely stop and think about the lives Mario has personally ruined with his so-called 'heroics'. This is one such story.
CreepyDoll 9th Mar 2011, 2:14 AM edit delete reply
Heh, I will never look at playing Mario games the same anymore!

Anyway, love your comic, keep up the good work! =)
model S 9th Mar 2011, 2:17 AM edit delete reply
holy. freaking. crap.

made of win.

that is literally all that can be said.
movethearmchair 9th Mar 2011, 2:23 AM edit delete reply
"It'sa me! Mario! I'ma gonna end your life"
Jay The Not Bad 9th Mar 2011, 2:29 AM edit delete reply
Jay The Not Bad
Yes! Amazing! Mario is some sort of sinister and mysterious force? Who knew that Mario could be so bad-ass?
Vash_ts 9th Mar 2011, 2:51 AM edit delete reply
just... where I do suscribe...

this is excellent, and its true, except in the paper mario games, mario goes head on, beating the crap of everything thats on his way...

come on, he drops every children of bowser, and bowser himself to a lava pool!
Grimlock13 9th Mar 2011, 3:12 AM edit delete reply
Well, Mario never put the lava in those castle, so the fact that he use it to its own advantage seems almost normal. Or maybe my vision of thing is biased.
jollyroger 9th Mar 2011, 3:22 AM edit delete reply
I must say that I'm really impressed by this comic. I became a member and subscribed to your comic only to support you, because quite honestly, this is a really great story.
Therazan 9th Mar 2011, 3:58 AM edit delete reply

On an unrelated note, i loved the titles for Mario, it would have been even funnier if it kinda broke qhe 4th wall like:

"Red Hat. Brother 1. Master Plumber. FIRST PLAYER."

My opinion. But anyways, was hilarious and a very original, yet true point of view.
Triskelli 9th Mar 2011, 4:16 AM edit delete reply
^Ooh, FIRST PLAYER is a good one.

It's true, every update just makes me wonder more and more about this universe and all the mystery inherent in it.

Here's something to think about: To the rest of the Mushroom Kingdom, Mario is something of a force of nature, unfailing in his determination to save the princess... But how does HE experience his adventures? Is he really this madman hellbent on the slaughter of hundreds? Or is he merely a puppet for some higher, more fallible power?

Just imagine if Mario shared our perspective while playing the games, experiencing every horrible death we put him through, and powerless against it? Would he be just as traumatized by his actions? God, would that be some Post-Traumatic stress he'd be dealing with...

Jeez, if Mario isn't insane already, he'd go crazy pretty quickly. Gotta feel bad for Luigi too...
Maltor Drey 14th Jun 2012, 7:03 AM edit delete reply
Luigi could take it.
That Guy 9th Mar 2011, 4:22 AM edit delete reply
That Guy
Swing your arms from side to side.
Therazan 9th Mar 2011, 4:52 AM edit delete reply
I believe he's high all the time; I mean, he takes mushrooms and flowers!? And the hills and mountains and flowers and pyramids and mushrooms and everything have a face!? Yeah, sure... For him, it's just a big super happy fun fun run to the flag. Why do you think he yells YAHOOOO! when he jumps?
Vlad 9th Mar 2011, 6:18 AM edit delete reply
If they don't know that Mario is a "Human" what do they think of Peach? I mean, she's a royal figure in the public eye all the time and is obviously not a Toad...
Infamous Nefarious 9th Mar 2011, 6:57 AM edit delete reply
Infamous Nefarious
Look at all the alternative, angsty, and downright anarchistic thought I provoked! Down with the Red Hat bastard! I want a Koopa Army t-shirt!
Wit 9th Mar 2011, 6:59 AM edit delete reply
Peach used her superior size and beauty to captivate and conquer the mushroom people, uniting them into a Mushroom Kingdom with Mario acting as her right handy man. They don't resist because they've seen what happened to their cousins the goombas.
Steve the Mew hunter 9th Mar 2011, 7:29 AM edit delete reply
Steve the Mew hunter
well... that's... just awesome, and terrifying... another good comic Morgenstern!
Endoka 9th Mar 2011, 9:49 AM edit delete reply
Basically your comic is the reason I'm here, Its a really great story, cant help but wonder how you might bring Luigi, Peach, Wario maybe even Waluigi?
(Sorry but I just have a real soft-spot for the purple sports-master)
Cassiopia 9th Mar 2011, 10:13 AM edit delete reply
Oh God, Poor Papa Martello. Now I feel guilty for ever having played the games.
Mutterscrawl 9th Mar 2011, 11:04 AM edit delete reply
Then I remembered the Koopas were in the middle of a hostile takeover of a country, what the heck do they expect? Ballet contests? This is war. Sure Mario's a bit of a gamebreaker, but the man's worked for it.
Guest 9th Mar 2011, 11:14 AM edit delete reply
don't worry just watch this and all fear of him will be gone.

Rage-Nakasa 9th Mar 2011, 11:57 AM edit delete reply

Mario is the evil one XD yay! it's funny.

I wonder what Luigi is. XD
Joefixit 9th Mar 2011, 11:57 AM edit delete reply
I'm scared of Mario now.
So congrats on that.
Bonz0 9th Mar 2011, 12:10 PM edit delete reply
In this universe, in addition to being a physical powerhouse, wouldn't Mario be seen as THE most skilled magician in the entire mushroom world? Powerups=magic, and Mario is THE master of powerups.

@Nolim Maybe 1-up mushrooms don't work for everybody. Going by the RPGS, they don't work in that magical of a way. If someone is severely injured they can be brought back from the brink of death if given a mushroom within moments after falling unconscious. If an entire squad was defeated there would be nobody to administer the mushrooms. And they're probably too rare for the Koopa Troop to be able to provide enough for everyone

Hmm...maybe they CAN be revived long after being "killed". They just come back "Dry".

@Infamous Nefarious
Well, I've heard the "Mario is a heartless killing monster!" alternate character interpretation before. It's nothing new. But really, heartless? That's going too far. He's not always pwning koopas, is he? Sometimes he's putting his life on the line for the good of his entire planet, like when he went up against the Shroobs or the X-Nauts.

I don't think he's autistic, either. He his able to communicate with others despite clearly having a limited grasp on the language spoken by most other residents of the Mushroom Kingdom. He's not mindless. He has to solve too many puzzles with his mind mid-battle so I don't think he's doing things without judgement.

"Bad guys"? That's what you call the koopas? These monsters may not even kill as much as the Mario Bros. No, what they usually do is MUCH worse. In Super Mario Bros., they thought it would be fun to transform the toads into bricks. In the Super Mario Adventure comics, they turned them into statues. In Super Mario 64 Bowser trapped everyone into alternate dimensions. The koopas weapon of choice seems to be the "And I must scream" trope. And if you don't believe the toads were conscious while turned into bricks and statues you still can't deny that they disrespect their foes as much as Mario.

Plus, Mario tends to target soldiers whereas the koopas have no qualms going out of their way to attack civilians.

Additionally, while you seem to believe that Mario is concerned only with beating up "bad guys", you have to give him credit for being able to see past racial differences and be willing to ally himself with members of the race he normally battles. In the Paper Mario series, when Bowser enters a town, EVERYONE is clearly afraid of him. Toads, Koopas, goombas--anyone. When Mario enters a village of Koopas nobody freaks out because it is, apparently, a well known fact that Mario is an enemy of oppression, not an enemy of koopas.

Single-minded? Is that a joke? Out of all characters to call single-minded, you pick Mario? Are we talking about the same character? Mario takes dozens of breaks from violence and bloodshed to help anyone and everyone with their problems. Tracking down missing persons, mailing letters, delivering food,blowing up scrap metal, etc.

Oh, but I have nothing against this portrayal of Mario. Seems pretty accurate. I'm sure the Koopa Army and anyone connected to it despise and fear him. And they should be, the war mongering bastards!

He's certainly a puppet. In many games he pretty much serves as the
physical link between the deities of his universe and his planet, helping them keep the balance without having to directly interfere.
Co0kieL0rd 9th Mar 2011, 12:26 PM edit delete reply
Sorry I'm too tired to write much. Just wanted to say that I love your stuff! Keep goin'!
Wax Production Studios 9th Mar 2011, 12:32 PM edit delete reply
Wax Production Studios
Bravo! Bravo! Another comic well done. This reminds me of the "ode to minions" comic at brawl in the family. I feel bad for all the koopas I've killed now. Except that is, for the blue ones in SMW who kick shells at you. But I digress. This is one of my favorite comics now. I am glad you are updating twice a week!
Weazle17 9th Mar 2011, 12:37 PM edit delete reply
^^wow, ccan I use that for my school report! LOL
Grimlock13 9th Mar 2011, 1:21 PM edit delete reply
All those comment remind me a discussion in philosophy class. It was about how we see thing and how others can see it. We add to try to see through the eye of the guy on the other side of a conflict. Half the classroom failed miserably, most of the others saw that as a kind of revelation. What you see here isn't what they see there.
Bonz0 9th Mar 2011, 1:21 PM edit delete reply
basmith0 9th Mar 2011, 1:22 PM edit delete reply
LOOOVE the 1000 year door ref in the title
Triskelli 9th Mar 2011, 1:40 PM edit delete reply
@ Bonz0,

So you're trying to say that we're the gods of the Mario Universe? Or maybe that would be Miyamoto...

Anyway, although he's not a souless monster, Mario comes off as bland regardless. I doubt we'll really run into him in the comic, but I'd love to see some of the more neglected members of his supporting cast make an appearance. Waluigi, anyone? =]
Bonz0 9th Mar 2011, 2:02 PM edit delete reply
I was kind of more referring to, like, the star spirits, star sprites, Geno, Rosalina, etc.

Mario is supposed to be bland. You can interpret him however you want that way. All of the best heroes lack personalities. Mario, Link, Ryu, Master Chief (not that I find him that great of a character, but some people must),Gordon Freeman, etc.

And of course the main cast won't run into him. He'd instantly overshadow the cast of heroes and reduce any big bad to a joke. He could have defeated Thrive with a single Mario Finale, for instance.

Waluigi? Nah, we need even more neglected characters like Friendly Floyd, Popple, Jr. Troopa, Lord Crump, Doopliss, the Koopa Bros., Anti Guy, etc.

Infamous Nefarious 9th Mar 2011, 2:15 PM edit delete reply
Infamous Nefarious
I love this Bonzo guy. He's quite possibly as unwrapped as I am. On with the story! Let's MEET her father someday!
Triskelli 9th Mar 2011, 2:18 PM edit delete reply
In Waluigi's defense, I see him as the Mushroom Kingdom's version of that celebrity that's gotten into trouble and is soaking in the media attention like a whore: Be it Charlie Sheen, David Hasslehoff, whatever. Not the greatest person to base a game off of, and not the most pleasant person to be friends with, but we'll line up around the block to see how crazy he's acting.

psh, "Adonis blood"...
Bonz0 9th Mar 2011, 2:19 PM edit delete reply
I've been playing Mario games for about a decade (not non-stop, though, in case you were worried). This is not something I would recommend for those who take pride in their sanity and/or normalcy.

I would love to play a game centered around Waluigi. Charles Martinet once mentioned that he would like to make one too. He said it would involve "Cheating to win". Wouldn't that be fun? A game that ENCOURAGED you to find loopholes and exploitations to avoid doing things the hard way, and rewarded you for being cheap and a bad sport? It would certainly be a unique at the very least.
Triskelli 9th Mar 2011, 2:30 PM edit delete reply

Ditto that on the Waluigi game! Damn, they were able to make a whole series for Wario and Luigi's was in the world's best Ghostbusters game...

Though we'll have to see Waluigi step up as a villian before he gets his own game... I'm betting on the 4th Mario & Luigi RPG.
FUTUREVGD 9th Mar 2011, 2:38 PM edit delete reply
@Bonz0 LINK!? NO CHARECTER?! oh....wait nvr mind
Aikidoka 9th Mar 2011, 4:11 PM edit delete reply
Miyamoto says, " Yeeees puppet, slaughter them all....."
Navi 9th Mar 2011, 4:51 PM edit delete reply
Actually i would like to see walugi apperar in a paper mario game as a main villan rather than in a Mario & Luigi one.
Eka 9th Mar 2011, 5:46 PM edit delete reply
This makes me wish I could subscribe all over again...
Maycroft 9th Mar 2011, 5:57 PM edit delete reply
Whoa! this remembrance sequience is awesome. Mario here is raised to the status of some superhuman entity!
Grimlock13 10th Mar 2011, 3:05 AM edit delete reply
If Mario is so powerful, were would that place Wario in the chart of power?
Mutterscrawl 10th Mar 2011, 3:22 AM edit delete reply
He probably owns a small country or is CEO of "WarioWare" and such.

My question though... if Mario is like this in the Mushroom Go Universe...

What the hell is BOWSER like? Global domination... multiple wars... is he like WWII or like Alexander the Great and Genghis Khan?
Triskelli 10th Mar 2011, 6:17 AM edit delete reply

Wario started as a baby-killing thug, but he's ascended to a sort of lazy Lex Luthor position. Made his first fortune off of "adventuring" , but now he sits and lets his company rake in the cash for him. It takes some serious cash to get him back in the purple overalls these days. (Such as a bottomless sack of coins)

I think Bowser's gone quite mad at this point, resigning each of his campaigns to humiliating defeat. I imagine one of the Koopalings has stepped in at this point and is doing things far more effectively and quietly than their father could have ever hoped to do himself... Bowser Junior or Ludwig Von Koopa are my bets for who's pulling the strings by now.
Lord Steel 10th Mar 2011, 6:22 AM edit delete reply
Great comic dude, and the fear and awe the Koopa Troopa's show of Mario is pretty neat. He is kinda like the Captain America of the Mushroom kingdom (WW2 version Non Ultimate) though I have to wonder what Bowser is like here I mean he is a 7 to 8ft tall fire breathing power house just from our side of the screen.
Kefka 10th Mar 2011, 7:21 AM edit delete reply
I just found this comic, site whole site actually, two days ago. Read through every page, and loved it. Then this page is the next uploaded. You had me by the name, love the reference. Then I read the comic. I created an account on this site just for this. This is truly awesome. Consider me subscribed.
Bonz0 10th Mar 2011, 11:08 AM edit delete reply
McCoy made it to round three...come on guys, lets make sure he wins the tourney!
Dialgagroudon 10th Mar 2011, 11:46 AM edit delete reply
I digress; Master chief has a personality! It's the ones that don't talk that lack them. Master chief's is "I don't give a s***"
Bonz0 10th Mar 2011, 11:58 AM edit delete reply
That's more of a cliche than a personality. He can be summed up as "Generic Badass". Heck, he didn't even have more depth in the novels! Or, at least, the one I read. I think it was "The Fall of Reach".
TheDarkPlumber 10th Mar 2011, 8:13 PM edit delete reply
THIS is the Mario that made me a gamer.
PlaneswalkingKavu 11th Mar 2011, 1:41 AM edit delete reply
Awesome page. You just elevated Mario from "that fat guy who eats mushrooms" to "epic adversary." Also, as a nightshift employee I totally agree with you on the sleeplesstude comment.
Grimlock13 11th Mar 2011, 1:53 AM edit delete reply
Ok, Wario may be a a lazy, greedy man that like easy victory and cheap shot, but in most depiction of him, he is physically stronger than Mario. When they had to fight each other, Mario needed to use his brain, not his brawn, to beat Wario.
Triskelli 11th Mar 2011, 5:22 AM edit delete reply

Definitely. If Mario is this world's Captain America, Wario is the Incredible Hulk.

He's been burnt, beat, poked, pinched, crushed, sliced, diced, shocked, frozen, and even zombified. But he's still survived all that abuse and gotten his grimy mitts on his treasure. You can't stop Wario from getting what he wants. You can only get out of the way.
Lord Steel 11th Mar 2011, 6:56 AM edit delete reply
Ok if Mario is Captain America and Wario is Hulk (which I have issues with but can't really come up with a better Marvel match up) Then would Luigi be Bucky? or maybe American Agent (a knock off Capt...its Comic cont. its complicated you don't wanna know.)
Triskelli 11th Mar 2011, 8:33 AM edit delete reply
Actually, I'd peg Wario as more the Juggernaut or the Blob, but I went for the more recognizable character first. Point is that Wario is practically indestructible, and that's his power.
Freezie43110 11th Mar 2011, 9:04 AM edit delete reply
I love the moral ambiguity in this series. The darker portrayal of Mario from the Koopas' point-of-view is quite fitting in my opinion. But we can't forget that Bowser's forces started the invasion in the first place.(at least in the games)

(By saying Brother One, you've gotten up my hopes of seeing Luigi too. :/ )
Grimlock13 11th Mar 2011, 11:17 AM edit delete reply
Wario is a mix between Juggernaut and Blob, immune to damage, unstoppable and FAT.
Guest 11th Mar 2011, 2:53 PM edit delete reply
Her father is Gonzo the Great? ;p
Bonz0 11th Mar 2011, 3:02 PM edit delete reply
Don't forget the super strength, Grimlock. The dude pile-drives dinosaurs.
Vash_ts 11th Mar 2011, 3:47 PM edit delete reply
i guess that the "cruel definition of survived" is that her father got turned into a mindless Dry Bones
Belexar 11th Mar 2011, 6:16 PM edit delete reply
First post here! I'm going for the Dry Bones theory. Also, remember that Bowser is more of a bastard than Mario. Also, his son's aren't exactly the nicest guys you can run into.
Therazan 11th Mar 2011, 7:16 PM edit delete reply
I don't believe in the Dry Bone theory, because they are undead while Martello said her dad survived; even the worst definition of surviving still means "not dying" while death is logically required to become an undead. Maybe he is NOW a Dry Bone, but he'd have died from a cause unrelated to the encounter with Mario on the flying ship. But even then, I think Bowser would pick the best (as in, highest graded) of his troop after their death as Dry Bones, which doesn't work well with my theory... BTW Imagine a Dry Hammer Bro. Now THAT is some elite troop!

My theory is that he got humiliated, demoted to a rank similar to "Green Koopa Troopa" (meaning truly low) without any hope to get back to a really prestigious rank, and lives(lived?) the rest of his life in shame.

Basically, he lost his Hammer and his Bro. How good can life be after that?

"Is it a plane? IS it a bird? Superman, maybe? NO! IT'S-A SUPER MARIO!" *Instead of Superman's, Super Mario Bros' Theme plays*
Morgenstern 11th Mar 2011, 7:53 PM edit delete reply
Whenever Superman originally debuted, he would jump long distances instead of flying. Hence, the "can leap tall buildings in a single bound."

Mario picked up the ability to fly later, also a cape.

Super strength
Heat vision = Fireballs
Bizarro = Wario
Red and blue color scheme
Yellow highlights (the belt and the cape respectively)

Try not to think about it too much (like I apparently did)

New comic should be up sorta soon.
Endoka 11th Mar 2011, 7:54 PM edit delete reply
For those of you looking for a 'Waluigi Game', I will suggest 'Psyco-Waluigi'.

Read up on it, play it then tell me if it would make a great Wii Game.
Endoka 11th Mar 2011, 7:54 PM edit delete reply
For those of you looking for a 'Waluigi Game', I will suggest 'Psyco-Waluigi'.

Read up on it, play it then tell me if it would make a great Wii Game.
Spinnerlink 12th Mar 2011, 12:36 AM edit delete reply
These comments and the comic above remind me of this song:
MeowMixIsForCats339 3rd Apr 2011, 9:23 PM edit delete reply
Dang. Her Dad is GOOD LOOKING.
Futurevgd 5th Jun 2011, 9:23 AM edit delete reply
would anyone else play mushroom go if it turned into a video game? i sure as hell would.
Evdog 27th Mar 2012, 12:30 AM edit delete reply
Maltor Drey 14th Jun 2012, 7:12 AM edit delete reply
I can't believe no one's brought this up already... Mario does have something of a history of this. Are you forgetting what he once did to DK? ARE YOU?
Oh, wait... was that another character? Research time!
Maltor Drey 14th Jun 2012, 8:02 AM edit delete reply
Checked up on this: It was Mario, in his very first game: Donkey Kong (the arcade game) . But back then he was going by the name 'Jumpman'. Probably changed it for a reason (and not just 'cuz it's a sucky name.)
King Kenan 8th Jul 2012, 1:41 AM edit delete reply
OMG its my hero/main rival MARIO
AKA Great Gonzalez
AKA First Player
AKA Jumpman
AKA Red Hat Crusader
AKA God Of Nintendo
AKA Brick Smasher
AKA Goomba Stomper
AKA Brooklyn Fury Plumber
AKA Best Video Game Character Of All Time